Learning to Love Read online

  He just smiles wistfully and looks at his drink. “It’s time for me to head off. I’ll see if Paddy needs me for anything. Otherwise, I guess I’ll see you around.”

  He stands and panic rushes through me. What if I never see him again? Asking Gracie for his number would be so embarrassing.

  Paddy strides across the room and hangs an arm around Sam’s shoulders. “Leaving already, bro? That was fast. Plus, you’re leaving alone.” He winks at me.

  Not sure how to interpret that one. Has Gracie told him something?

  Sam chuckles softly and gives Paddy a bear hug. “I’ll leave my car at yours, and Uber home. Only had a couple of drinks, but I don’t want to risk it.” Strange that for someone who takes so many risks on the water, he seems so risk averse in his personal life. What is this man’s secret?

  “Ellie here needs a ride home. She lives about five minutes away from here on the Shore.” Paddy is like a dog with a bone. I’m certain Gracie’s sent him around to do her dirty work. I practically can hear her cackling all the way from the kitchen. “How about she drives your car to her place?”

  One of Sam’s eyebrows shoots up. “And where do I go?”

  The plan is ridiculous. And so obvious. But I don’t want to let him go. Not yet. “You come with me in the car to my place, have a coffee, sober up a bit, hang around, then take yourself home.” I give myself a perfect ten for that mental gymnastics. Talk about twisted logic. After all, why can’t he just crash at Paddy and Gracie’s place and return home in the morning. Or just Uber home, wherever that is.

  Paddy blows a chef’s kiss. “Perfection. See you next time. Have fun and stay safe.” He winks to us as he pushes us through pertiers, past a beaming Gracie, and out the door into the quiet of the driveway.

  Sam’s brows furrow. “What was that? I didn’t understand any of it. Maybe I did have more to drink than usual.” He shakes his head. “Ok, we’ll go to your place, have a coffee to sober up, then I’ll drive home when I’m ready.” He looks at me apologetically and hands me the car keys.

  He hasn’t made any move towards me. I’m starting to think I've just imagined the whole thing, the desire, the closeness. I’ll have to put this to the test.

  I perk up and press the car unlock button to see which one it is. We get in, and I try to familiarize myself with the car. “Firstly, no car key holder. Interesting. Secondly, no handbrake. Even more interesting.”

  He watches me intently, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

  “Is this the eject button? Every spaceship should have one."

  Now he's outright laughing.

  "Press this button, then this button, then we should be ready to go. There's a footbrake." When he leans over to show me how to make this ridiculous spaceship work, he puts a hand on my leg. The lightest touch, but it makes me weak at the knees. Again.

  Sam's car roars into life, and I start my brief journey homeward with an all-consuming knot in my gut.

  Chapter 2

  Sam

  My car glides through the night past sleepy Shore streets lined with Pohutukawa trees, and my thoughts circle and swirl in my head like a riptide in the ocean.

  I roll the window down and the fresh sea air hits me, its salty smell combined with something else. Is it the night-time? Is it anticipation?

  I can't make head nor tail of why Ellie's driving us in my car to her house. I can't read physical, non-verbal cues very well at the best of times. Add that to the effect she has on my brain, and it's easy to see why I'm petrified of saying or doing something wrong. As always.

  She looks so petite in the driver's seat, pulled forward as much as possible. Her dark hair is cascading over one tanned shoulder, and her hands grip the steering wheel a bit too hard.

  I imagine her hands on me, her tanned legs around me. I look away and try to think of something else before she notices the effect she has on me.

  She turns into a no-exit road with 50s style weatherboard Kiwi houses and stops outside the last one. "Here we are.”

  As we climb up the steps to the front door, I remember visiting my Nana in a similar house when I was a child. All native timber wooden floors, small rooms, and a giant fireplace in the living area. It didn't have a grate on the roof, and birds got trapped in it often. I rescued all of them.

  She smiles. "Tayla's not in. She's coming back tomorrow from her retreat, but there's someone else inside.” As soon as she turns the key in the lock, a bark erupts from the other side.

  Ellie pushes the door open and a small beast rushes out. Ellie kneels to greet it. "Shhh, Daisy, it's late. This is Sam. He's a good guy." Ellie pats and comforts a small gray Staffordshire Terrier. Daisy laps up all the attention then comes to sniff me. I'm not a dog person, or a cat person, to be frank. They require too much commitment for someone who's always gone. I give Daisy two pats on the back, and she leaves content, tail wagging.

  "She likes you." Ellie beams at me. Seems like I passed some sort of test. I follow her into the kitchen like a shadow. In her proximity, I feel too big, too awkward, too surly. Like on many occasions, I wish I had Corey's charm.

  "... your coffee?"

  What did she ask? I should have been listening to her question instead of looking at her like she's dessert. What does she taste like? I shake my head to try and focus. Maybe she asked how I like my coffee. "Milk, no sugar, please. Can I help?"

  "Nah, you're alright. It'll be ready in a jiffy." She puts coffee grounds in the small French press then tops up with hot water, pushes the plunger, and pours two coffees. When she hands me a cup, our fingers brush and I feel it to my toes.

  I scald my mouth trying to drink too fast. "For fuck's sake!" I put my cup down.

  She’s trying hard not to laugh.

  In a couple of strides, I'm next to her.

  She looks at me wide eyed, full lips slightly open.

  I'm on the edge, barely holding on to whatever sanity I have left. "You're a witch. I'm under a spell of some sort." It's probably half true, as we stand close, neither of us daring to make a move.

  "Maybe I'm a mermaid. Keep you coming back for more."

  Something shatters inside me, and the recklessness that makes me feel free on the water surfaces.

  My arms slide around her, pulling her closer, and I kiss her like I'm ravenous. She meets me all the way, so I lift her up on the counter. Her legs wrap around me, and her hands fist in my hair. A sense of urgency washes through me. This is more than want. This is need. Ellie is at the center of my universe, and the only thing I want to do is make her happy.

  She breaks off the kiss. "Let's go to my room." She leads me to the end room of the house. There’s a small double bed, some artwork on the walls, a ridiculously fuzzy plant, and Daisy snoozing on her dog bed. It's warm, cozy, and feels like home.

  Ellie’s hands are on me. "You're too dressed." Ellie takes my t-shirt off then pulls my shorts and boxers down, exposing my hard-on. Her small gasp makes me feel a thousand feet tall. I help her ease out of her top and shorts, leaving her in nothing but lingerie.

  I'm already too far gone to care what she's wearing. She could have worn a mime outfit and I would have still found her sexy. I want to worship her from head to toe and make every inch of her body tremble with desire for me and no one else.

  I free her breasts, and I suck her nipples, alternating between them. God, I'm so hungry for her. She takes my hand and puts it between her legs. I can feel how wet she is through her undies.

  Her thong can't come off quickly enough, and my fingers rest on her clit. Her body grinds against me, begging for release, so I dip one finger, then two fingers inside her. I start rubbing her clit with circular motions, until her body tenses, and with a moan she comes all over my fingers.

  I'm so deep in desire I'm dripping pre-cum. She touches my chest and helps me slip a condom on, holding the head of my dick in a firm grip. I'm dying to be inside her. I kiss her swollen lips like my life depends on it. In a single quick motion I slide i
nside her, giving her a moment to adjust to the feeling. I can feel her squeezing my dick, and I know I'm not going to last long this time. I try to think about something else, but I can’t help myself, and I come deep inside her.

  We lay in silence side by side, her dark hair fanned across my chest, but I’m still hard even after removing my condom. Her fingers gently stroke my chest, and I haven’t had my fill of her.

  Will it ever be enough?

  I nuzzle her head, and feel her fingers make their way under the covers, wrapping around my dick.

  Ellie looks up at me with a lazy smile. She slips another condom on my hard shaft then climbs on top and starts riding me. I hold on for dear life. Is this what heaven feels like? Her small breasts bouncing beg to be kissed, so I lift myself up and feast on her, then I lie on my back again, letting her grind against me. She circles her clit and moans, and I realize she is going to come before me. I arch my hips and pull her down to me so I'm deep inside her. And then she shatters, her head falling back, a moan ripping from her throat, her muscles clenching around me.

  I put her down, and move on top again, knowing I’m very close to coming. She’s slick with wetness, and once I'm inside her, a wave rushes through me again. I come undone.

  I feel like I’ve ran a marathon, heavy but strangely light. We fit together so well I don’t want to move an inch. Next to her, I fall into a deep sleep, dreaming of the ocean.

  ***

  Ellie

  Last night felt a bit like a dream. Not a man of many words, my Sam. He’s a man of action. Takes a while to get going, but once he starts, he doesn’t stop. Strange I've come to think of him as my Sam. We haven't even been on a proper date together. Yesterday morning he was a stranger, someone I'd seen on TV a couple of times, and this morning he's asleep next to me in my bed. All surreal, like I'm living someone else's life.

  Sam stirs in his sleep, spooning me closer, and his erection presses against me. This man's insatiable. He leaves a trail of small kisses on my neck, his fingers slow but persistent on the curve of my ass, caressing their way down my thighs and in between my legs. I feel myself getting wet again, craving his touch more and more. As the familiar sweet tension builds inside me, he moves his hand away, leaving me bereft.

  Halfway between waking and sleep, my limbs are heavy, drowsy. They grow even heavier with desire, and I lay helpless beneath his touch. He spoons me again, and strokes my clit. Holding onto my hips, he pushes inside me slowly, and I can’t stop a moan from escaping my lips. He’s going to make me lose my mind. His large hand sears my hip, then his fingers rub my clit, his lips nuzzle my neck as his thrusting grows more urgent. I feel his dick stretch me even more, and I realize he’s going to come. I don’t think I can hold on any longer, and I surrender to the sensations engulfing me.

  We lay in silence for a couple of moments, and I can’t help but feel a little bit of sadness at seeing the light breaking through the window. It’s tomorrow already. Sunday morning. He’ll be on his way soon, and who knows when I’ll see him again.

  I turn to face him and smile, feeling shy despite everything that’s happened between us. “Would you like some breakfast?” He blinks at me, then his gaze slides away from mine.

  Not going to say anything, then? Fine, then. I leave his arms and the bed and put on a short robe.

  He considers me with serious eyes. They might hold a hint of sadness, too. Maybe I’m imagining things.

  “Nah, I’m alright. Thanks. I’d better get going. I’ll shower at home.” He gets up, puts on yesterday’s clothes, and follows me to the front of the house without making any move to touch me or at least give me an inkling of what happened between us.

  In the light of day, I suddenly feel shy. I don’t think I’ve ever brought home a guy I’d only just met, but there’s a first for everything. “Are you sure you don’t want some cereal at least? Or just coffee?”

  Sam looks at me, very conflicted, but he seems to have made a decision. “Ok, I’ll have some cereal, then I’m definitely heading off.”

  “I bet you’re ravenous.” The words came out before I could stop them, so I try not to look at him while I prepare a bowl of Weetbix cereal with milk. Somehow, he doesn’t seem the sugar add-on type.

  He dwarfs our small kitchen table with his presence and gulps down large spoonfuls.

  Daisy chooses that time to burst in through the doggy door and comes to me for rubs.

  I sit on the floor, and start one of my usual chats with Daisy. “Have you been outside, Daisy-Boo? How’s the weather? Any good digging this morning?”

  Sam eats in silence, looking at us like we’re not all there. “I don’t know anything about you,” he says quietly.

  I raise my head. “What do you want to know?” I leave Daisy on the floor and sit next to Sam at the table.

  “Everything.”

  I laugh, but he seems quite serious. He almost avoids looking into my eyes.

  “Okay. Ellie Tennyson, 25 years old. Grew up North, towards Matakana. I’m a preschool teacher at Cheeky Monkeys in Takapuna. I like roses and chocolate. My favorite color is yellow. Just an ordinary girl, really.”

  He chuckles at that and continues eating. In the morning light, his hair looks a bit darker than last night. I want to ask him the same question he just asked me. I want to learn about his likes and dislikes, but the key turns into the lock, and Daisy bursts into action.

  A voice calls out from the front door. “Ellie, there’s an SUV outside blocking our driveway. I had to park right on the road. Feel like keying the motherfucker’s car. He probably has the smallest dick ever and feels the need to compensate.” Tayla, my flatmate, has chosen this very moment to come back home, and boy, she’s huffing and puffing.

  She sees Sam sitting at the table and her jaw drops. “I didn’t know you had guests. I think I’ll come back later.” She mouths, “I’m sorry,” gathers her duffel bags, and steps back in retreat.

  Sam stands swiftly. “Nah, you’re alright. It’s time I went home. Busy day ahead.” He strides to the door.

  I realize I haven’t given him my mobile number. Would feel a bit awkward asking Gracie for his. I quickly scribble my number on a corner of an old grocery shopping list and thrust it in his hand as he’s about to exit through the front door. “Didn’t give you my number. Here it is. Between the sausages and tomatoes.” I keep my tone light, though I’m dying a little inside because I know deep in my soul he’s probably not going to call or message me. Just like the rest of them.

  He takes the scrap of paper. “Thanks. See you.” He retreats to his car. No kiss, no hug, no acknowledgment of what happened last night. And this morning. He drives away without a second glance.

  “What. The. Fuck. Was. That?” Tayla’s sunglasses have fallen on her nose, her light pink hair looks wild, and her hands are on her hips.

  I don’t know what to say. The truth is probably better out. “We met at Gracie and Paddy’s yesterday evening. We hit it off, he came here. Stayed the night. Now he’s gone.” I take away his bowl and pack it into the dishwasher.

  “You know who he looks like, right? That sailor guy. Corey somebody? One of that team we saw on TV a few weeks ago?” Tayla won’t let go until she’s satisfied her curiosity.

  “This was Sam Northcroft, the quiet one. Corey is the dark-haired, outgoing one.” I busy myself in the kitchen, wiping down surfaces as tears gather in the corner of my eyes.

  Tayla and I have been friends for far too long, and she notices straight away. “Hey, hey. Are you crying? Did he hurt you?” Every muscle in her body tenses up. She’d probably find out where he lives and bring back his balls in a bag if he’d hurt me physically.

  “No, he was very good. VERY good.” I crack a joke through my tears.

  She laughs. “So it’s like that, eh? Do you want to see him again?” She strokes my hair to soothe me. Daisy sits at my feet, sensing I need company.

  “I do. I thought we had something special. I don’t think he’ll ca
ll.” Tears threaten to spill over again.

  Tayla tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ve been by my side through many fuck-ups. Now it’s my turn. I decree we have a do-nothing Sunday. Watch some Netflix. Actually follow through with a skincare regime. And more importantly, takeaways for dayyyyyyssss.” She blows me a kiss while sashaying away. “Let me put my pajamas on. We’re in for the day, us three girls. And a big fuck you to fuckboys with ridiculous cars and small dicks.”

  I clear my throat.

  “Fine, big dicks too.” She rolls her eyes, and we laugh. For a while, it seems like everything’s alright with the world again.

  Chapter 3

  Sam

  A speed camera flashes on the Harbor Bridge, the main link between the northern suburbs to the town center. The tide is in, and the light winds are making the yachts bob up and down on the water's surface.

  In my rush homeward, I'm speeding on the highway like I'm racing on the ocean. My pulse is up, my head feels leaden, and my thoughts are jumbled. I can't think straight. Last night is a puzzle that I can’t complete, fragments of thoughts and feelings that I can’t process. It’s never this bad. I usually navigate through overstimulation, but this time it’s different. She is different.

  Off the bridge, it's straight into another world of older style houses and compact gardens on one side and skyscrapers on the other.

  Fifteen minutes. That's how long it takes to get from my house in Bella Vista to Ellie's house. As I wait for my garage door to open, I start thinking I could turn around, fly over the bridge and be back at her house in only a quarter of an hour. That's faster than an average sailing race lap. I could go back, say all the right things, do all the right things ...